My Art and Me

Woke. Crawled out if bed. Thank God, still here.

Just a reminder, every day isn’t sunshine & rainbows. Some days are pure trudgery, filled with uncertainty & sadness. Disappointed by loved ones & let down by people I don’t know. It’s exhausting.

Sometimes, I cry in the shower. Where no one can hear or see my tear streaked face. I’ve grown accustomed to bathroom tiles and mold. I’ve been to unpleasant places and endured unimaginable pain.

I’ve had storms pass through my body and got slammed by nature’s hurricanes. In utter darkness, I’ve gotten into bed, my blankets turned down, afraid that I wouldn’t wake up. Night sweats and dreams it seems, are similar things.

Yesterday, was filled with more doctor appointments and disappointments. I missed phone calls, couldn’t respond to texts and wished I wasn’t alone. But there I was. Sitting in another waiting room, looking for answers, knowing there isn’t a cure. Standing in line, hoping to keep this disease in check… under and never in control.

And then the receptionist said my name, and looked up. As if a lightbulb had gone off. She had seen my artwork on TV, on NBC’s, “Found” She was so animated! She talked about how much she loved the show. She couldn’t believe that Gabi Mosley kept Sir in the basement, she loved the storylines, she loved the chemistry between the actors and she said it gave her hope, that all people deserve to be found.

Of course I thanked her for watching, as if it were mine 🙂 And I agreed with everything, all of it. Smiling and nodding my head, suddenly in that moment I was free of the pain that typically plagues me.

Free. It always happens when I’m talking about my art, or when I’m painting. I know that art heals, I’m a living witness. Art is salve. Art saves us, art can save you, art saved me.

Like I said… I woke up this morning. Crawled out of bed. Still here. So grateful, Et tu?

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